Welcome (Back) to Fright Night

August of 1987. I'm sitting in a movie theater watching a movie about vampires and having a total blast. It changed my life.

August of 2011. I'm sitting in a movie theater watching a movie about vampires and having a total blast. It had no major impact on my life.

Such is getting older.

Of course the original Fright Night wasn't the movie I was watching that Sunday summer afternoon. It was The Lost Boys, a movie I loved so much that I wrote my 4th Grade "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" entirely about seeing that movie. It was an oral report, too. In retrospect, getting up in front of 8-year-olds and vividly describing scenes from an R-rated horror film is probably not a good idea. Although it's not that much different than how I spend my time now.

Beyond a well-received homework assignment, I was inspired by The Lost Boys to carve some wooden stakes, throw them in a bag, hop on my 3-wheeler, and canvas the area for the daytime sleeping areas of vampires that I KNEW were there. I was a lot like Corey Haim's character in Silver Bullet. Except instead of a werewolf it was vamps I was after. Plus, I could use my legs; I just chose not to most of time from ages birth to 12.

And while vampire hunting could fill my days, it was watching more vampire movies - for the strict purpose of research, obviously - that filled my nights. Fright Night, was one of the first vamp movies I watched post-Lost Boys. And just like Lost Boys, Fright Night altered my world view.

I watched Scooby-doo, Elvira, and Vincent Price from a very young age, and I ate Frankenberry almost exclusively. The world of monsters was not foreign to me. But this brought me to a new level. It was my graduation to the next level of horror movie watching. The same way that after seeing Gremlins I wanted to be like Billy and read comic books and be best friends with Corey Feldman and have a Gizmo, I wanted to be like Charlie Brewster. I wanted to have monster movies on my TV, I wanted to live next door to a vampire, and, most importantly, I wanted to be Peter Vincent's sidekick. A lot of the humor in Fright Night was lost on little me. Maybe not lost, but it just wasn't a joke in my young world. This was very serious stuff.

Fright Night was was a constantly rented video throughout my childhood. Any time my dad rented two new releases (employing his tried and true method of "If they have three copies and only one is left, it MUST be good"), Fright Night was always my go-to free movie. But I usually discovered something new while looking for Fright Night. It was hard to find anything that measured up, but it expanded my view of horror movies more than I ever could have imagined. I started reading Fangoria. I lived and died (and was resurrected) by the mythology of slasher flicks. I was a one-kid Monster Squad.

My head practically exploded when I discovered the Fright Night comic book. The continuing adventures of Peter Vincent, the Great Vampire Killer, and his sidekick, Charlie Brewster? Sign me up. Literally. Fright Night was one of the only comic book subscriptions I had as a kid. But it was more of a prescription. I needed it so bad and there was no taking chances of missing a single issue. FACT: A kid snatched my copy of Fright Night #1 once and started tearing it up. I pushed him down and kicked him in the head. I have never, even to this day, been violent or really even been in a fight. That's how much Fright Night meant to me. (A few years ago I procured a mint copy to make up for my mashed and creased copy.)

And so here it is, 2011 and I'm walking into a theater alongside people who weren't even alive when the original came out, to see one of my holy grails of monsterdom remade. I'd love to have approached it as my usual, snide and cynical self, but it was a Fright Night movie. Like the last Indiana Jones movie, the quality was secondary to the fact that it was 2008 and I was walking into an Indiana Jones movie. Unlike Crystal Skull, though, I thought the new Fright Night was really, really good. Sure they changed stuff, and some of it not for the better, but the heart was intact. I still wanted to be friends with Evil Ed and hunt vampires with Peter and Charlie.

I like True Blood, but let's face it - I like it mostly for reasons my 8-year-old self would not comprehend. I hate Twilight, but let's face it - my 8-year-old-self would be smart enough to hate it, too.

I liked the new Fright Night, but let's face it - my 8-year-old self would have LOVED it.

Playing with my toys...

I got this...

And then I did this...

This Month!

I've neglected my blog for far too long. Sorry, little bloggy.

I'm in the midst of a month-long residency at the Ice House Tavern in Phoenix! Head over to jzord.com for the deets!

Smell you later!

This Tuesday! Comedy!

Hey, gang. I'm going to be part of a really great show on Tuesday, 9/28. John Henry's Tickle Your Bone comedy show is great week after week, so I am thrilled to be part of it. Here are the particulars:

Brigett's Last Laugh
17222 N. Cave Creek Rd.
Phoenix, AZ
(Cave Creek north of Bell)

Show starts around 8 and ends around 9:30. No cover! No minimum! Drink specials! Cheap tacos!

Live Comedy!

I'll be doing a short set to introduce Sean McCarthy's Seancapades Sean on Ice show on Wednesday, 8/11 at the Ice House Tavern in Phoenix. Kustom Deluxe plays from 8-8:45. Comedy starts at 9. Get there early to get a seat!

Bee Tee Double You, this show is great every week. The best local comics you can find in Phoenix.

See you there!

- zordballs

5 Reasons Not To Go To The Movies This Summer

I used to wait in agony throughout the school year for the movie onslaught from May to August. My summers would be measured not by the temperature or the length of the days, but by release dates. Summer vacation would start with the big Memorial Day release, things would amp up around mid-June, peak around July, then it was wait for the late-August horror flick and then back to school. Blame it on my advancing age (and cynicism), but I get little more than a flutter of joy from summer movies. That's why this summer I've decided that staying away from multiplexes is the way to go. Here's 5 reasons why...


1. TV
I can't recall any point in my life when TV was as good as it is right now. Mad Men. True Blood. Dexter. Community. Party Down. The League. And those are just some of the shows I watch and love. So many more are out there that I've never seen and always hear great things about. There is simply not enough time to watch all of the great TV that's out there. And if new, first run shows aren't your thing, you can get your self a Netflix subscription and watch TONS of older shows or get caught up on current shows. The State. Reno 911. 30 Rock. Dexter. Party Down (good enough to mention twice). Wizards of Waverly Place (I have a problem).

2. Video Games
Three words: Red Dead Redemption. There isn't a single movie out right now that can compare to the action, excitement, drama and overall production value of RDR. A video game. I hadn't been a big gamer for years, but I've gotten back into it more than ever lately. (Okay, you can partially attribute that to my lonely hermit lifestyle, but give me a break.) The market is filled with games like RDR that have the story and character to go with the shooting, puzzle solving and treasure hunting. Go to the movies to see cars and robots (and sometimes both) mindlessly smash into each other. Stay home and fire up the PS3 if you want characters, plot and intrigue.

3. The Internet
Funny People was a great movie, but it wasn't as funny as the title wanted you to believe. If you wanted the laughs from Funny People, you just went to Funny or Die to watch Raaaaaaaandy! FOD has been on fire all year. The HBO show is great, but it's just a controlled sample of the hilarity that exists on the website. Their April Fool's prank (Beiber or Die) was classic and they've managed to get the most eclectic assortment of comedians and celebs in their original videos. There have been some great comedies out there, but you get more laughs in a 5-minute FOD video than a 90-minute Steve Carrell movie.

4. Comedy
Are you aware of how many amazing comedians there are in the world? And you can hear most of them on podcasts. For FREE. If you like comedy and you don't listen to Comedy Death Ray Radio every week, I politely ask you to check yourself. Chris Hardwick has a great podcast (The Nerdist) and so does Doug Benson (Doug Loves Movies). Never Not Funny lives up to its name. As far as comedy podcasts go, though, the Holy Hosanna of them all is SuperEgo. It's funnier than anything else in the world. Want some good comedy albums? Andy Daly's Nine Sweaters is great. So is Paul F. Tompkins' Freak Wharf. And here I go listing. Just check out any of the comedians that frequent the UCB and you'll never go wrong.

5. Movies
The A-Team and The Karate Kid are both out in the same weekend. I guess you might be interested if you weren't alive in 1985. Or maybe if you were alive then and wished it still was 1985. (Granted A-Team looks like fun. You'd have to drag me bloody and screaming to The Karate Kid, though.) This year alone, the only good movies have been based on other things: Kick-Ass and, uh, wait what was the other one? Give me a minute and I'll think of it. Most of what's out or on the way looks like microwaved leftovers from the past 20 years. So if you're jonesing for a good movie, why not watch something old that you've never seen? A Netflix subscription is about 20 bucks - about the price of two tickets. - and you can watch more great movies in a week than you'll see in a theater all summer.

I should note that there are a few movies that I am excited to see this summer, so here's a sub-list of what I'm chomping at the bit for:
1. Inception
2. Scott Pilgrim v. The Mundo
3. Um...
4. Well...
5. I'm sure there's something I'll see.

Oh, yeah! The other movie I was thinking of! Cyrus! And it's not based on anything! An original work! It opens limited on the 18th of June. Saw it at the Phoenix Film Festival this year and capital Loved it. So there's ONE reason to go to the movies this summer.

I Don't Make Monkeys...

I have never made a secret of the fact that I love Pee-wee Herman. In grade school, I would use PW's lines to stand up to bullies. In college I told a girl that there were things about me that she "wouldn't, couldn't and shouldn't understand," and that I was "a loner, a rebel." And she bought it. I love that story.

When I first heard that Pee-wee Herman was making a comeback, my heart jumped into my throat. And then through it. And then out my mouth. Once I was able to settle my shit down, I grabbed tickets and began counting down the days.

Everything Paul Reubens has had to endure over the past couple of decades is utter bullshit, so it was nice to see PW get a standing ovation by doing nothing other than stepping onto the stage. The real magic began, though, after the curtain rose. The crowd went into a collective state of awe as the lights slowly came up on the picture-perfect interior of Pee-wee's Playhouse. Chairy, Conky, Globey, Magic Screen... it was sensory overload. I was staring at a place that only existed inside my TV. Pee-wee poked his head through the window in that familiar red door and walked in shouting, "Good morning, boys and girls!" And with that, transportation was complete. I screamed real loud when I heard the secret word, the King showed me a cartoon and, damn it, I had to yell "Mekka lekka hi - mekka hiney ho" so that Pee-wee could get his wish from Jambi.

The show itself was a handily updated version of the original Pee-wee Herman Show. Not too many surprises plot-wise. Captain Carl was replaced with Cowboy Curtis. (No one can fill Phil Hartman's shoes, so why even try?) The jokes were freshened up a bit and several of Pee-wee's catch phrases and signature dance moves from the movies and the TV show were incorporated and fit perfectly. There wasn't a single moment where I was taken out of the show and reminded that the man I was watching was human being and not a living, breathing cartoon.

The show's run at Club Nokia is over, but it's pretty clear that this run of comeback shows is only the beginning of PW's second career. There's still a lot of uncertainty on whether or not anything beyond a cult audience will embrace his next moves. For me, I'll follow him for whatever the next step may be and raise my glass to the long-overdue and (hopefully) never-ending return of Pee-wee Herman.

So now when anyone asks if I want to watch Pee-wee's Playhouse (which happens on a daily basis, right?), I can respond, "I don't have to see it. I lived it."

I'd still end up watching it though.